There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Mom said you looked used
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize