I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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