My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
