how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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