New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
