The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
