Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
