i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
