I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
