I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
