i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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