Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thus making me awesome and them whores
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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