Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
