Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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