I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
