about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
