He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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