Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
