This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize