He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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