My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
