all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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