Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
