yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
