Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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