Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
