You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
