I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
