I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
