And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
