So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
