I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
