Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
