I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
