How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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