How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
