i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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