I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How's work?
Spinning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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