party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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