you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
