I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
