just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
