____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize