I feel like abortions should bother me more
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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