walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
