his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
soo... how was my night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
