Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
