I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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