So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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