Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
