please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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