the condom got lost in my hair
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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