some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dignity is for republicans.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
