There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
