What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
