Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
