in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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