My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
