If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
