Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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