I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
