I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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