i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
