Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
