I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
