I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
