I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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