You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
