Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
