Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
