nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
