I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
